did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize