I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize