we have officially lost it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize