thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
