he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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