1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
