i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
