sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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