I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
