I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
