She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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