can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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