I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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