Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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