Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
