you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
