So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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