the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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