clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
