Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
