Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
