At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
