You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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