His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
