Moan for me like Helen Keller
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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