dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
