this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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