i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
