I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
