I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
