My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
