i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
