He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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