Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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