Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
