Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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