I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize