tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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