I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
