I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
