No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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