how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
