I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
