Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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