My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
