I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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