I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
