just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
