Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
