We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize