so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
