I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
