Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
