i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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