he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
