She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your penis caused this!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
