The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
