My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
