It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
