I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
