Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
