um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
