Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
