Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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