covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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