You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
