Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
