your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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