I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Still dying that you shit outside
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
