NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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