first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
