Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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