i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
