you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
