I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
