You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
