Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have aggressive nipples.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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